Reno in 2 days.

I'm excited to be home. I have a lot of things to look forward to.. Seeing Ben, starting a new diet, exercise routine, starting school. I've been feeling weird the last couple of days and having a tough time sleeping. I came to realization that it probably has to do with with the anniversary of an old friends car accident that took his life. So, I'm kind of in a weird funk over that.

I wrote down some goals. Most of them involve being more active. Another I need to focus on is getting up at the same time and going to bed at the same time every day. Basically, I want to just get into a good routine.

Lots of traveling over the next 2 days. I'm not looking forward to that, but I am looking forward to being home and seeing Ben.

Has it been 2 months already?

I didn't realize I hadn't updated my blog in 2 months. Wow. OKAY, well.. My birthday was absolutely incredible. I have some of the most incredible friends. The concert was great and I drank absolutely way too much. Go figure.

Being 23 feels odd. My mom was already a mother when she was 23. I think it'll be another 4-5 years before I have any kids. Interestingly enough, I was kind of struggling with the fact that I'm nowhere near where I was hoping to be at this age, but over the last couple of months I've managed to calm down about that a little bit.

I have not been spending very much time in Reno because I've found that it just gives me too much time to over-think things and get unbelievably bitchy. I spent 2 weeks in April in Las Vegas cat/house-sitting for my parents while my mom went to Florida and again when my parents went to Africa for my dad's job interview. I'm currently in North Carolina hanging out with some family that I have not seen in years. I never get a chance to make it out here, so all this free time made for a good opportunity. By the time I leave here it will have been a little over 2 weeks. I'm ready to go back to my adult life. I've got 2 elementary/middle school aged cousins and while they are great kids, I just enjoy the company of people my age, which seems to not exist here.

I got to spend time with my family in Denver too, good times.

When I get home on the 25th it is Ben and I's 2nd anniversary. I can't freaking believe it's been 2 years. I'm also hoping that all the bullshit we've been through is the worst it will ever have to be because we really had ugly complications early on in our relationship. It'll be great if we can finally just be boyfriend/girlfriend minus hospitals, mood altering medications, etc.

I start a Human Development and Family Studies class on June 1.

I start Certified Nursing Assistant classes July 1.

I start full-time at UNR again in Fall. Nutrition 223, Core Humanities 202, Biology 190, Psychology 210, and Chemistry 121.

I go for Pre-Nursing Group Advisement on June 2nd. So, then I will be a Pre-Nursing major and then hopefully I'll be a Nursing major by Spring 2012 at the VERY latest.

I'm starting The Mayo Clinic Diet on June 1. Hopefully I'll be doing more blogging when I do that to help with tracking my progress and such. I have my Mayo Clinic Diet Journal and everything. I'm trying to convince my dad to pay for a gym membership for me at a gym one of my very best friends goes to. I think that would be a good support to have.

Overall, life is good. I think it's because I can finally feel a routine materializing. It's as though a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders.

I'm even gonna have wireless internet (FINALLY) on May 26th. THANK GOD.

I am in a WEIRD mood. Hopefully This Update Doesn't Become a Downer.

Let's see here. So, my trip to Denver was great. I stayed at my Uncle Michael & Aunt Sandi's house. I've spent a pretty good portion of my life having mixed feelings about my Aunt Sandi, but we really had a good time. The first couple of days were mellow. My brother and I hung out and went to pho, played Super Mario for Wii, got pulled over on the way to Wendy's at 2 AM. You know, the usual *lol*. Ben came for a couple of days. He really liked it there which was exciting for me because I would like to end up there sometime in the next year or 2 or 3.. Just depends on what kind of stupid fucking curve ball life decides to throw at me next. Ben and I went to Dave & Busters which was a lot of fun! It's a lot easier to get drunk in Colorado... thanks to the elevation. I ended up calling to college in Reno to see if there were any openings for a Certified Nursing Assistant program that is starting March 26. There were, so I started the process of trying to get into that....

My dad ended up buying me a plane ticket to Reno to try to get into the class. The only problem was that there were a lot of things I needed to do. 2 TB skin tests, CPR class, vaccinations. Needless to say, the class filled up. So, I can't take it until July. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this can happen. It would be even better if Ben could get into the class too, but it's not looking good. He probably can't afford it, that sucks.

I kind of wish he would be a little more motivated and stop worrying about buying things that, in my humble opinion, are not priorities. The fact that he's had times in his life where he's had a pretty big chunk of money is kind of annoying to me because he gets caught up on the fact that he doesn't have that money anymore. It just irritates me because I don't understand why he can't light the fire under his ass to try to make that money again. As much as I am pretty spoiled, I've never had the money to buy really expensive things. My dad has always bought those things for me :-D Thank goodness for that. I just don't ever desire things I can't afford because it's pointless. I've had enough shit happen in my life the last few years. The last thing I need to do is remind myself that I am poor, nowhere near where I thought I would be at this age, and struggling.

At no point in my life did I wake up and think... "when I get older, I want to struggle just to get by and wonder when I will ever finish college, if I'll ever be able to afford to have kids, and if I'll ever get my head above water" Being in the position I am now was just never and option for me. Now it's more like a reality. It makes me sick to my stomach that friends that I had when I was younger have so many of the things in life that I want, but can't have because it's just not the right time. People who's parents wanted them to hang out with me because I was a good influence. I'm just tired of having to prove myself 10 times more than most people.

I'm so sick of being told how strong I am after what I went through with UC. Whatever, fuck it... it's all said and done. I can't use it for the reason why I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be at this age. (23 tomorrow to be exact). I should use it as the reason because in all reality it's the truth, but I don't want to explain that to people. It's SO fucking frustrating.

In lighter news. The following things are very exciting: Dad bought a Land Rover from their neighbor and Denver and I think he's going to give it to me, Ben and I moved into an apartment in Reno, and New Found Glory/Saves the Day concert tomorrow. I think it's just Las Vegas that depresses me. That, and being away from Ben. It's like.. it doesn't matter that we have no money, being near him and seeing him makes everything feel so much better. It's frustrating that my parents aren't all that enthused about my decision.

My mom, while she says she understands and respects my decision, really doesn't respect and understand it. I just tell myself that while their marriage works, she tolerates and puts certain things aside that I would not be okay with. The thing I love about my relationship with Ben is that he loves me and absolutely adores me. Everyone who knows him, knows that about him. I can tell just in the way that he looks at me. And while "I deserve better" I find myself thinking... "better how?".. More money? Money doesn't make love and bonds stronger. Stability, maybe.. but I'm unstable due to circumstances out of my control and I'm trying to fix that. What's better than someone who loves me unconditionally and radiates that about them to the point where I'm not the only one who can tell? Yeah, he pisses me off sometimes, but so do a lot of people that I care about.

Oh, so my dad interviewed for a job in Africa.. wow, I think he may ACTUALLY end up in Africa. Holy shit.

I came to the realization that 2 of my closest friends in Vegas are the most selfish people I know. I make the decision to go back to Reno for the time being. This isn't even necessarily a permanent thing. They both managed to fall off the face of the earth. Awesome. Funny how that works. I do something for myself and I'm an asshole.

Chantal and Marky are pretty much my 2 favorite people in the world right now. We are going to the concert tomorrow. Thomas will be there too. Marky and I are going for drinks before they get off work. It'll be good times.

I'll try to post some pictures onto this post, I just don't have them right now. I got a new phone. A Palm Pixi. It's pretty great.

Quickie ;-)

Life has been a little bit hectic lately. I went to Reno for a week, got back to Las Vegas for a grand total of 2 1/2 days. One of those nights I decided to go out and get completely hammered with Chantal and Marky, AGAIN. Then got to drive the LONG way from Las Vegas to Denver through the Flagstaff, Albuquerque, etc route. We just got to Denver today. I know I will be looking for something to keep me occupied because I am going to be here for probably about 2 weeks. I have lots of things to type about, don't you worry! I'm too exhausted to give the appropriate amount of details, but I have a couple of doozies. Stay tuned, or don't... but updates right around the corner. Ben gets to Denver tomorrow evening SO, it may be after Thursday. <3

Jacuzzis and Beer Guts

Unemployment has been more of a good thing than a bad thing. Other than the no making any money part. I've managed to go out with Chantal on Wednesday night and get completely hammered with her and Marky. Spent all day Thursday in bed and hungover. Went to lunch with my bestfriendface on Friday, then got beers at McMullans with David. It RAINED, which I was SUPER excited about. Then I had friends over to drink beers and go to the jacuzzi, it was fantastic. The best idea EVER! Now, it's Super Bowl Sunday and while I was supposed to be at work today.. I am snacking on food with the option of drinking beers, but not partaking since I drank a lot last night. I get to go to Reno on Thursday and stay for a week instead of 2 days! Then I get to come home and go to Denver for 2 weeks and MAYBE go to a Nuggets v. Pistons game, which would be AWESOME! Life is good. Fuck the old job, things are so much better without it. I paid the medical bills that I am aware of and filed my taxes. Life is good. I may even get a new cell phone in the next couple of weeks. I also decided that I am not a mind reader or a silence interpreter, and I think I'm going to use that reason for a lot of things in the future. That's fantastic.

"We reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings"

Seriously... fuck my life. OKAY, not really. So, over the last couple of weeks a lot of shit has gone down. Ben and I haven't been talking a lot and it's been throwing me off. I told him I will come back to Reno whenever he's ready for me to be back. He didn't give much response to that. I haven't quite figured out what to make of that.

I got fired from my job. I've never been fired before. It was fucking lame. That company can go to hell. It's the only place I have ever worked that had absolutely no appreciation for the work that I do. Time to move on.

A particular friend of mine is getting married on Valentine's Day. She let me know about a week ago. She invited me to come and my original plan was that I would have to miss the ceremony, but if they were having a reception I would show up to that. Then she informs me about an hour before that stupid "see you next Tuesday" fired me that my ex-boyfriend is the best man in their wedding. That alone caught me off guard because I did not know that they were even in contact with eachother anymore. So, I made a small joke about how that ought to be awkward, but that it would all be good because it's their day and it'll be fine. I'm an adult and can act like one. I really have no interest in stirring up shit from the past. Then I get the following text message about 30 minutes ago: "Hey erin, we would love for you to come to our wedding but he doesn't want any confrontation from you and your ex so we decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if you were to come. I'm really sorry and I hope you understand. :) Maybe we could hang out this week on monday and finally play bingo. You are a great friend to me but i want everyone to feel comfortable. Thank you for everything." To which I responded: "Wow...Ok." To which she responded: "I know he got really upset with me. i told him that everyone is adult and could handle themselves, but he doesn't want you guys in the same room. Erin I apologize." Uhmmm, yeahhhhh... Good thing I got fired so I can spend some extra time in Reno and spend V-day with my boyfriend and NOT at a wedding that my ex will be present at. I'm not all that upset about not being invited anymore, but seriously.. how fucked up is that?

Chantal took me out and got me fucked up last night.

"Is this how you treat people here?"

Yes, this is how I treat people. I do my job and get in contact with the proper people to take care of your problems. Problems, I may add.. that have absolutely nothing to do with me. So it would be fantastic if you could cut the shit with the bitchy tone, and leave your bitchy daughters behind because it's bad enough dealing with one unsatisfiable bitch, but to add 2 more is just more than my nerves can handle... Might I add how proud I am that I was only thinking this while I listened intently and looked as apologetic as I could about unfortunate luck and did my best to be reassuring that the situation would be rectified. Now that all is pretty much said and done, is it bad that I'm kind of wishing even more bad luck upon this particular set of people? Mainly because they could have just as easily come to me with the same problem and a completely different tone and everything would have been handled exactly the way that it is being handled. Being a stupid bitch is necessary at time, but times where the person you're being a bitch to has a hand in something that's fucked up. In this particular case, I am simply the messenger.. who, might I add, got the message across to all the right people who responded with the appropriate actions. I just don't understand the concept of being rude to someone because you're frustrated about something that's completely out of their control. I understand the frustration, but there's a way to be frustrated and not treat someone like shit about it. ANYWAY, I hope it only gets worse from here on out. I'm so tired of shitty people getting whatever they want, but because they think being a big enough bitch will work. In this case, she got what she wanted because it was the right thing to be done, not because she demanding her way and talking shit. She would have gotten the same result if she had come to me with a smile on her face apologizing for having to inconvenience people to fix the problem. The moral of this story.. I really hate people sometimes...

My next bone to pick... Certain networking sites (not to be named, don't know why) piss me off sometimes. I'm in a relationship and I have friend who are also in relationship, so maybe they would be more understanding? It clearly states on your profile if you feel so inclined to announce your relationship status and who it is with. So, simply out of respect for my friend who do have significant others, I would never post something that would come off as flirtatious or could come off as questionable because I don't want things to be taken out of context. Well, it is so awesome that some girl managed to do that to someone who happens to mean a whole lot to me. It just fucking pisses me off because I know it's more than likely NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT, BUT I'm still a girl, I'm still in a different town that my boyfriend, I'm still fat as fuck and insecure, and even though I hate to admit it I do have a twinge of jealousy when it comes to him... So I come home to check all my "stuff" online and go try to look at his pictures because I miss him... and AWESOME. I can't bring it up to get that extra reassurance that what was said is completely innocent without feeling/looking like a complete douchebag. And all I can think of is how fucking ignorant that girl must be to do that. IT SAYS HE HAS A G/F ON HIS PROFILE! Why would you put a flirty message to someone who has a girlfriend? I wouldn't even do that to someone I know for a fact has a chill girlfriend and KNOWS me well. It's just disrespectful and annoying. It probably wouldn't be as annoying if I hadn't already had dumb bitches irritate me 3 days in a row, but I'm thinking I'm right. I managed to get some feedback from a friend and they agreed.

For it being my favorite weather and how good my day started out, I've managed to end up in a pretty bad mood. Awesome.